I'm A Bad Babysitter
by Jabberwocky1
Summary: After many months of petitioning for citizenship and equality by the transgenics the American Government finally concedes, but with a few non-negotiable terms of their own… M/A humour
1. Chapter 1

_**I'M A BAD BABYSITTER**_

_**Pairing:**__ Will contain lots of Max and Alec shenanigans, and hopefully comedic appearances by Logan, Mole, Biggs, Cece and the gang. Might possibly turn into M/A depending on the reception and lifespan of such an inane plot._

_**Rating:**__ My default setting is M. I have a potty mouth…_

_**Summary:**__ Set after Freak Nation. After many months of petitioning for citizenship and equality by the transgenics the American Government finally concedes, but with a few non-negotiable terms of their own…_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I hereby declare, decree and dictate that Alec is the most witty, annoyingly charming, adorable and yummy character ever to have appeared on my boob-tube. Oh, and I don't own him…*sobs*_

_The title and original idea for this story came from a cheeky song called 'Bad Babysitter' by Princess Superstar. _

_**WARNING:**__ This might possibly be one of the most ridiculously, far-fetched and frivolous ideas for a story… but in my defence I was bored and eager to write M/A again. Plus, I was kind of keen to see if I could turn this most absurd idea into something amusing (I feel like trying to push some boundaries) while still being able to convince people to read and review. If I have overestimated this story or my ability, please feel free to set me straight at once! ;D_

* * *

**Freedom...But At What Cost?**

_We interrupt this program to bring you this breaking story. The President of the United States has just this morning passed new legislation that will, from this day forth, declare all transgenics and transhumans free citizens of The United States of America. This is an astounding development that many did not see coming so early into the debate on the fate of transgenics. As we have seen there has been conflicting opinions across the country concerning the future of transgenics and their place in society. It is believed that the driving force behind the government's decision today was their fear that should transgenics not gain equal rights, they might defect to countries hostile to the United States and prove a grave security risk. The government has, however, placed conditions upon their qualifying for U.S. citizenship. Every transgenic of breeding age must complete a comprehensive parenting program to be eligible for citizenship. This is Sandra Sultry for--_

Minutes passed in silence as the room full of transgenics and transhumans stood around trying to comprehend the bizarre news broadcast. T.C.'s Headquarters were bursting at the seems with nearly every transgenic in residence squashed into the too small room.

"Ahh… what just happened?" Alec finally asked no one in particular as he rubbed the back of his neck in confusion.

"I have no idea, but I think I must be dreaming," Max replied quietly as she continued to stare at the now blank television screen in shock.

"Oww!" she yelped in pain as someone pinched her arm sharply.

"What the hell was that for?!" she snapped as she swung around to face Alec, her annoyance plainly written on her face as she rubbed her arm.

"A carefully formulated scientific experiment conducted in order to determine the validity of your hypothesis," Alec replied, the picture of innocence.

"And what did your experiment conclude?" Max scowled, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Well preliminary trails indicate that you are in fact _not_ asleep, however further trails will need to be conducted in order to—"

"Oww!"

"—confirm and strengthen this—"

"Oww!"

"—conclusion," Alec finished, flashing a cheeky grin at Max; who by now had sought safety across the other side of the room while still watching him warily.

"Why do you think they really did it?" Dix asked, interrupting everyone's thoughts.

"Who the hell cares!" groused Mole. "As long as they're not trying to lock me up, shoot me, or turn my insides into a theme park for science geeks to give guided tours through, I'm all for it."

Alec suddenly turned to Max and gave her a decidedly wicked look, causing her apprehension to spike as she tried to tuck her arms more firmly into her sides and out of his reach. "Hey Maxie, what dya say we go celebrate at Crash tonight?" he asked excitedly, his eyes sparkling.

A broad smile slowly spread across Max's face. "First round is on me!"

As Max and Alec walked into Crash side by side that night, they were bickering as usual. Alec casually slung his arm over Max's shoulders and whispered suggestively into her ear.

"Ewwww! I did _not_ do anything of the sort!" Max replied hotly, giving Alec a sharp elbow in the ribs, making him grunt in pain.

"Come on Max, you can tell me. Who am I gonna tell anyway?" he said, flashing her a cheeky grin that belied his words. They both knew that if his suggestion was in fact true, he would personally announce it to the whole world and then mercilessly tease her about it for the rest of her life. Or his… which ever proved to be shorter. And Max silently promised herself that she was personally going to see to it that Alec met his demise _first_.

"You're disgusting, Alec! How could you suggest that I could… I would never…" Max struggled with her words, getting flustered.

Alec smirked at her discomfort. "So you're telling me that you _didn't_ offer to provide The President with certain…services… in exchange for the freedom of your people?"

"Of course not!"

"Well what other explanation am I to make for his sudden acceptance of all things transgenic?" he asked innocently, raising an eyebrow. "You were in charge of public relations after all," he said slyly, baiting her.

"I don't care if you conclude extraterrestrial mind control!" Max said, stopping abruptly to get in his face. "I. Did. Not. Have. Sexual. Relations. With. The. President!" she hissed, poking his chest with her finger to emphasise every word.

Alec carefully leaned closer and whispered into her ear. "Pity. Maybe if you _had_ we could have moved out of TC four months ago. I have a feeling you could be _very_ persuasive if you put your… mind… to it." Alec smirked broadly as he deftly sidestepped her fist and headed towards their friends.

"So Boo, what's goin' on with all this transgenics bein' free business?" Cindy asked once they were all finally settled around a table with their drinks.

Alec leaned back in his chair. "Actually, I have a theory —"

"D'know, it's a mystery," Max interjected loudly, shooting Alec a deadly glare. Alec simply winked at her and raised his glass, amusement playing in his eyes.

"Well, whatever da reason, Original Cindy gives thanks to it," she said raising her glass in cheers, and the others followed, all clanking glasses heartily with each other. "It's good to have the gang back together finally. It's a not so small miracle," she declared happily, "one that O.C. didn't think she might ever get to see again."

"Yeah, well that not so small miracle comes with a not so small price tag," Max grumbled into her beer, a scowl etching itself into her brow.

"Oh come on Maxie, look on the bright side. How hard can it be to rock a crib and not drop a kid? It'll be a walk in the park," Alec declared confidently, taking a sip of scotch.

"I don't know Alec," Cece said, "if it's so easy why do so many people abandon their kids or put them up for adoption?"

"Yeah man," Biggs piped up seriously, "and look at the statistics for single parent families. There's gotta be a reason for that."

Alec snorted derisively. "Oh come on guys. We're highly trained, highly adaptable deception artists. I think we can convince some public servant running a parenting clinic that we could keep a kid alive for a week if the need ever arises. Hell, you would think the fact that we managed to keep _ourselves_ alive for twenty years under Manicore's barbaric rule should give us enough credit points to skip the damn class altogether."

"While that is a nice thought, I don't think that is gonna happen man," Biggs said with a chuckle. "I think we're just gonna have to suck it up and make sure that we all pass." He suddenly pinned Alec with an evil look. "Plus, I am dying to see if you're that cocky when faced with changing a diaper. I've had the misfortune of being in the general vicinity when Gem's changing Hope, and boy, that kid can plant a dirty bomb like no other I know. And brother let me tell you, our training does not cover that sort of olfactory warfare!"

The table suddenly erupted into chuckles at Alec's now slightly worried - and green hued - face.

"So why do ya think they're makin' ya all go through this silly course?" Cindy asked.

"We're not entirely sure," Max replied, glancing at Alec to make sure he agreed. "The only explanation I can think of is to make sure that we bring our kids up as good little patriotic American's. They probably just want the excuse for a last minute refresher course on all things great and American to make sure we're not going to defect, and that any kids - being potentially as naturally talented as their parents - are brought up loyal to the mother country."

"Y'know, tha' makes a lot o' sense," Sketchy slurred, before his head hit the table with a resounding _'wack'_.

"Guess we'll find out tomorrow how much of that little theory is true," Alec said seriously, looking Max in the eye, and a heavy silence descended over the table.

* * *

_Anyone who would like a continuation, say 'I'..._


	2. Chapter 2

**In Over Our Heads**

_**A/N:** I'm an Aussie and have therefore stuck with Australian terms i.e. nappy rather than diaper, and mummy rather than mommy. Hope you all enjoy!_

_**OoOoOoOoOo**_

"Alec, hurry up and get your ass out here. We're late!" Max yelled, as she pounded on his door with her fist in frustration. She'd been _very_ specific yesterday when she'd informed him of the time they had to leave, and just as she'd predicted, Alec hadn't paid an ounce of attention to her. Well, he was going to live to regret _that_ decision!

Max could feel her ire rising. Alec knew how important this Parenting Course was to their freedom, and yet as usual, he wasn't taking it seriously. This was their one chance to integrate into society – or back into, in Max's case. She was not about to put that in jeopardy by being late on their very first day. The government's officials needed to understand in no uncertain terms that what the transgenics wanted most was to be allowed to integrate with society, and that they were seriously committed to achieving it.

Max was just raising her fist to pound on Alec's door once more; her mind whirling as she plotted the litany of punishments she could inflict in an effort to educate him on the unpleasant repercussions that would befall his physical person every time he wilfully failed to heed one of her warnings, when she heard the shuffle of feet making their way across the room and to the other side of the door.

The front door slid open to reveal a bare footed and very sleep rumpled Alec. "God Alec, you're not even dressed!" Max snapped as she ploughed passed him and into his living room, almost knocking him over in the process.

"Well, good morning to you too, sunshine," Alec yawned, running a hand over his face and into his mussed hair as he swung the front door shut and padded back across the room, disappearing into his room, still in no apparent hurry.

"Just get your ass moving. We're late!" Max barked as she paced the length of Alec's living room, her eyes locked firmly on the warped floorboards. This was her ritual whenever she was waiting for Alec to dress - which was often - because he was always over-sleeping, and had a particularly nasty habit of leaving his bedroom door wide open.

Max hadn't yet been able to work out whether this was due to the fact that after so many years at Manticore, he simply never thought to shut the door, or whether he did it on purpose because he knew it made her uncomfortable or to potentially catch her peeking. Either way, Max was not about to risk the consequences of letting her eyes stray to the other room; no matter how often she caught them wandering and had to return them firmly to the floorboards. She had no desire to subject herself to a lifetime of teasing at Alec's hands. She could already imagine him telling anyone who would listen as loudly as he could about how she _always_ came over early in the morning specifically to watch him dress. So Max paced the room like a caged tiger with OCD, and just like that tiger, focussed on what she'd do to her prey once it got within her striking range.

"Chill out, Max, we've got plenty of time," Alec said as he strode out of his room, now fully dressed, and made his way over to the couch to collect his jacket. He made his way to the door before turning back to look at Max who hadn't yet moved a muscle. "Come on, or you're going to make us late," he grinned, cocking his head towards the door, encouraging her to follow him.

Max crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her hip, running her eyes pointedly over Alec from top-to-toe. "You're not seriously going to wear _that _are you?" She wasn't about to go anywhere until he changed that raggedy t-shirt.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" Alec asked, spreading his arms and looking down at himself in confusion. "This is what I wear every day," he said with a frown, before looking up at Max with suspicion. "And why are you picking this morning - the one morning when you're yelling at me for being late - to critique my fashion sense?"

It was only then that he noticed what Max was wearing. He ran his eyes over her critically from head to toe. "And why are you wearing your best jeans and singlet?"

"This is our _future_, Alec," Max said vehemently. "We need to make a good impression, and you are _not_ turning up today in that ratty t-shirt and those ripped jeans. Go put something more... _responsible_ _looking_ on."

"Responsible?" Alec asked, his eyebrows shooting to his hairline. He had no idea what 'responsible' clothes looked like. Was that a t-shirt with _'Don't Run With Scissors'_ printed across its front?

"You can't be serious?"

Max gave him a deadpanned look and pursed her lips tighter, making them turn white.

"Max, we're not running for parent of the year or trying to adopt! This is just a silly workshop to prove to some bureaucrat in Washington that if, heaven forbid, we ever come across a baby out in the '_real world',_ we won't eat it first and ask questions later. I promise, it'll be a piece of cake," Alec grinned. "One we _won't_ eat," he added cheekily.

Max didn't even crack a smile. She just continued to stare at him hostilely, tapping her right foot.

Alec's grin faded. "Fine!" he huffed in exasperation as he threw his hands up in the air and turned on his heel, striding back into his room and slamming the door closed this time.

Max smiled slyly to herself. Surely if she could manage to run an entire transgenic nation _and_ control Alec, then a baby should be well within her capabilities.

_**OoOoOoOoOo**_

Alec couldn't help the sideways glances he shot Max as they made their way rapidly down the street. The parenting class was being held at the Town Hall just outside T.C., and Max was striding towards it at a rate that suggested the Devil might be on their tail. How did someone with such short little legs walk so goddamned fast?

"Max, can we slow down and just walk?" Alec complained, as he trotted along beside her at an undignified pace.

"We wouldn't need to hurry if _you_ hadn't made us late," she snapped.

"We wouldn't be late if you hadn't insisted on making me undress," he said, turning to look at her with a heated gaze, "And for future reference, next time you insist on dressing me, I'm going to make _you_ do the unwrapping yourself."

Max just glared at Alec harder and increased her pace, making Alec jog beside her. As they rounded the last corner they were faced with a mass of transgenics all loitering outside Town Hall. Max didn't slow as she waded through the bodies, bumping and jostling those that didn't get out of her way quickly enough, and made her way up onto the steps outside the large doors.

She had to admit that it made her smile to see her people finally out in the real world, even if they were only outside the perimeter of T.C. by a couple of dozen meters. It wasn't the distance that made the difference Max knew, it was the fact that as of today they would hopefully no longer be hostages in their own country, persecuted by their fellow countrymen. Today was officially the beginning of their freedom.

"Where the hell have you two been?" Mole barked around his cigar, his agitated state sending a thick plume of smoke into the air. "How do you think it looks when our leaders can't even be bothered to show up on time. This is our one chance to get out of this Petri dish and I'm not gonna have you two idiot X-5's ruin it! I _ain't_ going back to live in that biological wasteland we presently call home!"

At the same time both X-5's turned to Mole and pointed at each other.

"It was his fault!"

"It was her fault!"

Their heads whipped around to glare at the other as they both replied. "No it wasn't!"

"If your lazy ass hadn't slept in, we wouldn't have been late!" Max shouted.

"If you're purvey ass hadn't made me undress, we wouldn't have been late!" Alec yelled back, letting his voice carry to all the ears around them.

"I did not!" Max hissed furiously, her eyes darting around them to see who had heard Alec's outrageous accusation. "You're the one --"

"Oh, no! Don't try and blame this one on me, sweetheart!" Alec interrupted.

As they both glared hostilely at the other and opened their mouths to continue their verbal lashings of one another, the large doors of the Town Hall suddenly opened with a loud clang, and the transgenics around them began filing in.

Their argument suddenly forgotten, Max and Alec turned to enter, curious to see what was about to happen. They shuffled into the large hall, bumping shoulders with each other and those around them. They had to manoeuvre around small tables set up in rows around the room; if Max had to guess she thought they looked like little baby changing stations. Each one contained a padded mat in the middle, and arranged around it what looked to be nappies, wipes, cream and other objects she didn't recognise.

As Alec passed one he gave it a wide berth and eyed it warily. He gave it a look that said that while he didn't recognise what it was, he still wasn't about to dismiss it as harmless; he eyed it like he expected it might suddenly launch a full scale military attack at any given moment. Max had to suppress the smile that threatened to erupt at his leery behaviour.

Max continued to push her way through the crowd until she neared the front of the room, with Alec right on her heels. They both came to stand beside Biggs and Cece and followed their gaze; the women flanking the men. There at the very front of the room stood the only Ordinary in a room full of Transgenics. She was short, thick waisted and dressed in a charcoal skirt suit. Her blonde-grey hair was scrapped back into a tight bun at the nap of her neck, and her thick glasses were perched on the end of her nose, obscuring sharp piercing blue eyes.

The room was deadly quiet as the transgenics stood silently looking at the strange grandmotherly looking woman standing at the front of the room. She was an island in a sea of transgenics. Max decided she had to admire the woman's guts for that act alone. And she noted that the woman didn't look at all concerned about the fact that she was now standing in a room full of military weapons, any one of whom was capable of snapping her neck before she could blink.

The transgenics all stood at ease patiently, just like they'd done thousands of times before at Manticore, and Max was proud that they hadn't all snapped to attention under this odd little woman's scrutiny; even Max was fighting the urge to snap her heels together under the severe gaze of their new pintsized commander.

"My name is Ms McGuiness, and I am your Parenting and Baby Liaison," she said in a sharp, crisp tone that easily carried to the back of the room.

Alec leaned in to whisper in Max's ear. "I wouldn't want any sort of liaison with _that,_" he shuddered. Alec gave an '_ooff' _as Max elbowed him sharply in the ribs.

"You all know why I am here," Ms McGuiness continued. "As of last week it is now a governmental policy for all transgenics to adequately complete a Parenting Course before being admitted as United States citizens. I am here in this capacity. We have one week in which to turn you all into competent parents; something I know you are all capable of," she assured the room before her tone turned commanding. "Every single one of you will need to convince me that you are capable of caring for an infant. There will be no excuses. If you fail any one of the six components, you fail the entire course; there is no opportunity for a resit. You approval for citizenship is also conditional on every one of you passing. Just one fail will result in transgenics being denied citizenship permanently."

A low murmuring broke out around the room as the transgenics became aware of this as yet unmentioned condition of the government's policy.

Mrs McGuiness cleared her voice loudly to regain everyone's attention once more. "I understand that you are all a little daunted by this condition, however I assure you that you are all more than capable of achieving this feat. I have never had anyone fail one of my classes, and I am not about to break a twenty two year record. _Is that understood_!" she suddenly turned and barked directly at Alec, who she'd caught whispering to Biggs.

"YES MA'AM!" Alec barked back in true Manticore fashion, his face devoid of all emotion and his eyes carefully blank. Ms McGuiness gave Alec a stern look before turning back to the rest of the class.

"Nice going there, Alec," Max teased, giving him an elbow in the ribs. "I think you just regressed."

"Well, you try breaking twenty years of conditioning and indoctrination at the hands of an evil government agency overnight. It's not easy, let me tell you. Plus, she's scary. She's just like…"

Alec suddenly tipped his head to the side and peered at their pintsized instructor, a puzzled frown on his face.

"She's just like who?" Biggs whispered.

Alec tipped his head to the other side and stared a moment longer before his eyebrows suddenly hit his hairline in recognition. "Lydecker. She's just like Lydecker - in drag."

"What have you been smoking?" Cece hissed.

"_Actually_… he has a point," Biggs replied, his head now tipped to the side just like Alec's. "She does look like Lydecker. Lydecker with a rack. A _huge_ rack. I wonder where he got it?"

Max and Cece both turned and exchanged horrified looks that said they both clearly thought their men were crazy.

"When was the last time someone _actually_ saw Lydecker?" Alec asked a little too casually.

"_She,_ is not Lydecker!" Cece hissed.

Max looked over at Cece once more, gave a shrug, and promptly tipped her head to the side and studied their teacher. "I don't know… if you squint, there _is_ a resemblance," Max agreed reluctantly.

"_Ohhh yeahhh_," Biggs gasped, his face screwed up as he squinted, "Now she looks _just_ like Lydecker!"

"Have you four quite finished!" Ms McGuiness snapped at the four transgenics, all with their heads tipped to their shoulders like curious puppy dogs.

"YES MA'AM!" Max yelled, snapping to attention and cricking her neck in the process.

"I can see I'm going to have to keep my eye on you four. You're going to be trouble!" Ms McGuiness threatened as she went back to pacing in front of the class, but every now and again she sent a warning glare in their direction.

"I think you just did a little regressing of you own there, Maxie," Alec chuckled quietly.

"Shut-up," Max muttered, before turning her attention back to the front.

"The first thing I need everyone to do is separate into pairs and pick yourselves a Parenting Table. Please do that now," Ms McGuiness instructed the room loudly.

Alec and Max immediately turned to look at each other for a long moment before instantly turning to Cece and Biggs.

"Hey, Biggs, I can count on you right, man." Alec stated.

"Sorry, man. I just agreed to team up with Cece."

"Come on, bro, it'll be just like old times," Alec cajoled. "You know, us against the world."

Biggs glanced uneasily at Alec and then Cece. "I already gave my word, man, and a gentleman always keeps his word." Biggs replied. "Why don't you and Max pair up?"

"Oh no! Not on your life!" Max butted in.

"See why that's not gonna work," Alec pointed out rationally. "It would make _much_ more sense if you and I were partners, and then the ladies can--"

"YOU FOUR!"

Max, Alec, Cece and Biggs all immediately jumped guiltily to attention.

"I will not have this disruptive behaviour in my classroom! Either you behave yourselves or you get out. Do I make myself clear!"

"YES MA'AM!"

"Good! You two!" Ms McGuiness snapped at Biggs and Cece. "Get down here where I can keep my eye on you." She pointed to a table in the very front row.

"AND YOU TWO!" she yelled at Max and Alec. "If I have to stop for you one more time I will fail you without a second thought! Now, either get out, or get down here!"

Max and Alec shot a panicked look at one another before sprinting for the table at the front that had just been selected for them. They received one last warning glare from their tiny instructor before she turned back to the rest of the class.

"Now this is a practical as well as a theoretical course," Ms McGuiness continued," and because we don't have much time to turn you into competent parents, and some of you are clearly going to struggle more than others," she said as she glared at Max and Alec, "you are all going to have to work very hard for the next week, but I have every faith that you can all do this."

Alec carefully made sure Ms McGuiness was looking out over the other side of the class before he leaned over Max to hiss in her ear. "When she says practical, what do you think she means?"

Max grimaced. "Nothing good, I bet."

"I will spend all of today instructing you on how to take care of your babies before you will be expected to demonstrate what you have learned. Now, if everyone would just reach under their baby changing table and pull out the box underneath," Ms. McGuiness instructed as she walked around the room. Waiting until everyone had done as instructed before announcing, "Congratulations! You've all just become parents."

Alec lifted the box onto the table, peered inside and chuckled loudly.

"What?" Max asked curiously, trying to lean over and peak inside.

Suddenly Alec reached within and yanked out an object. "The universe is trying to tell us something, Maxie. Fancy procreating?" he asked with a devilish grin.

Max's surprise quickly turned into a scowl as she looked between Alec and the life-sized plastic doll he was holding precariously upside down in the air by its little foot. "Oh, hell no! I'm not procreating with you!" Max yelped, before a vindictive light entered her eye. Alec recognised the look in her eye. She'd had the same look the very first time they'd met.

"Whoa, whoa... no need to kick me, Maxie," Alec said anxiously, taking a step backwards, "this time I'm only joking. You can keep your clothes on."

Suddenly a high pitched wailing erupted from the small doll swinging from Alec's grip. Both Max and Alec looked at it in horror and panic before Alec promptly dropped it on the floor with a clatter and jumped away from it like a scalded cat. The high pitched screaming suddenly stopped and was replaced by a buzzing, fritzing sound. Everyone in the room went silent and stared at the small infant lying discarded on the floor.

Biggs peered over Alec's shoulder to get a better look. "Dude, I think you just killed it."

_**OoOoOoOoOo**_

_**A/N:** Sorry it's taken so long to finally get this chapter out. I've had to re-write chapters two-to-five because I lost them way back when I originally posted the first chapter. Now it's holidays I'm hoping to get them out. If you're still interested in reading this story I'd appreciate if you could let me know – if no one is interested after so long I won't bother any further. Hope you're all having a happy holiday!_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Last Chapter...**_

_Suddenly a high pitched wailing erupted from the small doll swinging from Alec's grip. Both Max and Alec looked at it in horror and panic before Alec promptly dropped it on the floor with a clatter and jumped away from it like a scalded cat. The high pitched screaming suddenly stopped and was replaced by a buzzing, fritzing sound. Everyone in the room went silent and stared at the small infant lying discarded on the floor._

_Biggs peered over Alec's shoulder to get a better look. "Dude, I think you just killed it."_

**Parenting Lessons**

"I can't believe you just murdered our child!" Max ranted as she violently tightened the nappy and secured it with a safety pin.

"How was I supposed to know it was one of those real life educational babies? It made an unnatural noise. For all we knew, it could have been a bomb," Alec defended.

"We? You're the idiot who panicked and dropped it. And where, may I ask, in our comprehensive and extensive military training, did it _ever_ say that in the handling of high explosives, one should drop them at ones feet?" Max asked condescendingly, arching an eyebrow.

"I panicked, okay," Alec huffed in exasperation. "And seriously, Max, go easy with the nappy will ya? You're gonna cut the kid's circulation off and then we'll need a replacement-replacement baby," Alec warned, looking at the job she was doing with concern. "Besides, I don't think it's meant to look like that," he said seriously, glancing around the room to see how the other transgenics were going with their task.

"What do you mean? It looks fine to me," Max argued as she yanked on the material. "And we wouldn't need a replacement-replacement baby if you hadn't murdered the first one!"

"I didn't murder anyone!" Max paused what she was doing and gave Alec a pointed look. "Okay, fine, I'm a murderer," he said rolling his eyes. "But I didn't murder any plastic kid," Alec clarified, still staring at the job Max was doing with the nappy. "And that does _not_ look anything like it should. Give it here," he ordered, shoving her out of the way.

"Fine," Max growled out between clenched teeth, "But it's harder than it looks. I'd like to see _you_ do better," she challenged.

"Watch and learn, Maxie. Watch and learn," Alec smirked confidently.

_****__**oOoOoOoOoOo**_

_**~ Twenty Minutes Later ~**_

"Goddammit, Alec, just admit you can't do it!"

"No way. I nearly have it."

"You said that over twenty minutes ago," Max said drolly.

"You can't rush perfection," Alec lectured as he struggled to get the pin through the cloth.

"Well, that explains it all then. Those lab geeks must have just dumped all your ingredients into your test tube and skipped out to lunch early."

"You know, Max, you can be a real bitc—_OUCH!"_

"You having a little trouble there, hotshot?" Max smirked as she watched a frowning Alec inspect his pricked finger, before putting it in his mouth.

Alec looked up and glared at Max as she shoved him out of the way and picked up the pin. She eventually secured the nappy and held up their baby so that they could both see the finished result.

"I still don't think it looks like everyone else's," Alec commented with a concerned frown.

"Well, are you going to fix it?" Max asked archly, stepping aside.

"On second thoughts, it looks great," Alec replied hastily. "I think we should move on."

_**oOoOoOoOoOo**_

_**~ Half an Hour Later ~**_

"It's not physically possible, Max," Alec said for the fourth time as he raked his hands through his hair for about the twentieth time in the last half hour; it was starting to stand up in all directions like someone had applied electrodes repeatedly to his body.

"It has to be possible," Max growled in reply. "Everyone else has managed to get this dang thing on their kid, so there must be a way," she huffed as she glared hostility at the little baby jumpsuit she was turning every which way in her hands trying to find a way to manipulate it onto the doll.

"Maybe ours is faulty? I think we should ask for another one."

"Are you crazy! We can't admit to that... that… baby Nazi that we can't even manage to dress a plastic doll! She'll fail us for sure, and we can't risk that. Not after _you _pissed her off so badly _aaand _killed our first baby. No. We _have _to pass this course." At that point Max held up her latest attempt at getting the little yellow jumpsuit on their baby.

"That's worse than the way it was ten attempts ago," Alec complained in frustration. "You've not only got it on back-to-front, but you've also bent his arms and legs at unnatural angles. He looks like he's doing the Macarena; no son of mine will _ever_ be caught doing the Macarena. It's just not natural."

"Fine! YOU do it!" Max snapped.

"Come to daddy," Alec cooed as he picked up the baby. "Mummy Max is starting to get that look in her eye, and when she gets '_that' _look, a couple of broken arms will be the least of your problems, buddy. You need to trust me on this one, little dude, daddy _knows,_" Alec said with a meaningful look at the doll and a sideways glance at Max.

"Hey, quit trying to turn out kid against me!" Max sniped, as she wacked Alec in the arm.

"Parents are supposed to educate their children in the ways of the world; it's what they do. And as our son he should have the benefit of knowing what his father had to learn many times, _very painfully,_" he gave Max a pointed look. Directed at someone else that accusation and look might have been guilt inducing, but on Max, it had no effect.

"That's only because his _father_ is a slow learner," Max sassed back. "And don't call him _'little dude'_! That's no way to refer to a baby. And who says he's a '_he'? _Maybe she's a '_she_'. Why do men always want a boy? What's wrong with a little girl?" Max ranted.

"Wow, chill out, Max," Alec said giving her a concerned look that said that any moment he expected her to start frothing at the mouth, or spinning in circles while cackling manically.

_****__**oOoOoOoOoOo**_

_**~ Several Hours Later ~**_

"Now I have shown you everything you will need to know for looking after your babies," Ms McGuiness instructed, once again standing at the front of the class. "It is now time for all of you to take your babies home and practice what I have taught you. You will all have to adequately meet your baby's needs over the next six days. To do this effectively I strongly suggest you work with your partner and share the workload. The next six days are not going to be easy for any of you. I have taught this class many times before, and those parents who work together and work as a team are those most likely to pass this course. I don't think I need to remind any of you that your freedom now rides on your performance as parents in the next six days. And before any of you contemplate cheating," at this she looked directly at Alec and Max, "the microprocessors within these dolls will record every time you mistreat your baby, how long it takes you to settle it, feed it and change it. At the end of the week we will all meet back here to find out which of you has passed, and which have failed. You are all dismissed. Go forth and be good parents!"

_**A/N:**__ I'm hoping this is all making sense so far!_


End file.
